You can't do this.

No, you can't.
This whole post is basically all stolen from Geekologie.
Dude cracks me up every post.

This is a video of Isao Machii, who is billed as a modern-day Samurai, showing off his skills with the blade. It's a long video, so I'll direct you to the good parts.
1:45: Cuts the top half of a mushroom's cap off. Sent shivers down my pants.
3:30: Horizontally cuts a bean lengthwise. Sent shivers down my pants.
5:15: Cuts a 6mm Airsoft BB shot at him in half. GW realizes bringing a gun to a Samurai fight might not be enough.
8:00: Cuts an iron pipe in half without bending or warping the pipe. This part is skippable, since I totally could have done that. With my penis. HI-YA, BITCHES! Youtube Thanks to Jason, who once got a watermelon pregnant just by glancing at it in the produce section of the grocery store.


Reality:
But you should watch the first 50 seconds, anyway. This guy is totally sick.
The yutzes on Amazing Race, Survivor nor Deal or No Deal also cannot do this (well, maybe #10 on DoND, but I digress...).

Tofuing.

Welcome to the new, constantly offended America:

Reality:
Granted, this may not be the easiest licence plate to explain to small children (oh, sure, you'll tell them that she just likes the food...while you and your other adult friends are snickering).
But this crazy-ass tree hugger (oh, shut up. I'd bet the farm and the condo I'm right) says:
"If the DMV is going to start censoring what people are thinking, that’s a little bit too 1984-ish for me."
NO, you crazy-ass. It's living in 2009 under the...er...broomsticks YOU elected....from a government agency THEY created.